Movie Review

Presidents Day Special: The Untold Saga Of FDR

On this President’s Day; we must remember that at the end of the day, it was Franklin Delano Roosevelt who ended World War II with his wheelchair of death.

We have all heard the story on record: Harry S. Truman ordered the bombing of Japan. Christopher Nolan has even directed an Academy Award nominated film based around this myth. In Europe, the Russians captured Berlin which led to Adolf Hitler dying by his own hand. Mussolini was captured and executed by his own people.

These are all convenient lies that the history books tell us to prevent us from the truth.

The fact of the matter is, werewolves are real. Without the bravery of FDR and the ingenuity of General Douglas MacArthur, they could have taken over the world.

FDR After Blowing Up A Werewolf Bootlegging Warehouse.

In 2012, writer Ross Patterson dared to uncover the truth and reveal to us the story of Franklin Roosevelt’s heroics. While many people have dismissed his work as fiction, the story is out there. If you dare to defy the status quo and see through all the lies, you will be rewarded with cold hard facts when you watch FDR: American Badass.

The Hunting Trip Gone Wrong For FDR

Early in his life, hunting was a passion for Roosevelt. Unfortunately, that passion would lead to tragic circumstances when he spotted a werewolf on an otherwise beautiful autumn day. After the werewolf claimed the lives of two friends, Roosevelt decided to protect his remaining friend Lou by engaging in fisticuffs with the feral beast.

A Picture Of FDR On A Hunt, Just Moments Before The Fateful Werewolf Attack Would Occur.

Roosevelt eventually won the fight by hitting the werewolf in the chest with a silver bullet, but not before the foul creature could manage to bite his leg. This would be much more than a flesh wound.

Much like rats carrying the bubonic plague, werewolves are natural carriers of the polio virus. While the doctors were able to save the life of the future President, they were not able to stop the Polio from infecting him. Dejected, Franklin Roosevelt was forced to accept the fact that he would be confined to a wheelchair.

An Insidious Plot.

Roosevelt’s doctor discovered that the werewolf responsible for his polio infection was actually a Nazi. As it is explained to Roosevelt by Abraham Lincoln, werewolves are clairvoyant. Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Emperor Hirohito who were all werewolves themselves, knew that Roosevelt was destined to defeat them, so Hitler dispatched an operative to end Roosevelt’s presidency before it could even begin.

Hitler, Hirohito, And Mussolini In Their True Forms.

The axis leaders were infuriated when things didn’t go to plan. Taking advantage of prohibition, Mussolini and Hitler decide to smuggle beer and wine  that is tainted with werewolf blood into the United States. Hirohito also tried the same thing with sake, but it was ineffective and everyone just laughed at him because sake is lame.

MacArthur Saves The Country

The plot of the axis leaders didn’t last long. General Douglas MacArthur, who Roosevelt affectionately referred to as “Dougie Mac” discovered the tainted booze and helped FDR put an end to this potential disaster by creating the Delano 2000, a wheelchair fully armed with missiles and silver bullets.

General Douglas “Dougie Mac” MacArthur Was Responsible For Foiling A Plan To Infect American Citizens With Tainted Libations.

After shutting down a bootlegging operation in Baltimore with his new weapon, Roosevelt puts an end to prohibition. Then he realizes that only he can stop the forces of evil overseas and prepares for war.

Taking Down The Axis And Winning The War

Japan was taken care of by the Manhattan Project, as history tells us. What history has inexplicably left out, are Roosevelt’s heroics in Europe.

Armed with just the Delano 2000, Roosevelt flew into Europe on a solo mission. He came under heavy fire almost immediately. He managed to fire back and take out a sizeable portion of enemy troops, but Mussolini and Hitler themselves continued to fire upon him until they took out an engine on the plane.

Cleavon Buford Bravely Accepts His Fate While FDR Looks On Thankfully From His Fully Armed Wheelchair.

With the help of Cleavon Buford; the Vice President of the hot tub committee, Roosevelt is able to successfully bail out on his wheelchair of death. Buford bravely sacrificed himself, as he forgot to put on a parachute when they jumped out of the plane.

His sacrifice should not be forgotten. He should have a monument dedicated to him like the other brave men who kept this country safe. Unfortunately, his sacrifice remains a secret along with this story.

President Roosevelt landed safely and took out Mussolini first, who lamented that he will never be able to carry out his dream of founding the Olive Garden chain of restaurants. After he took out Hitler, Roosevelt went missing for sixteen days. His staff worried day and night until he heroically returned. His reason for going missing wasn’t due to injury or peril.  

As it turns out, wheelchairs are incredibly hard to maneuver through sand. It turns out that Anakin Skywalker was on to something. After his triumphant return to his staff, FDR got on the radio and addressed the people of America to send a message: “The Delano is back. Remember his name.”

We will remember his name. Hopefully one day, the true story will be accepted.

Final Takeaway

I hope you enjoyed this piece of satire on a day where we honor the men who were strong enough to lead this country. FDR: American Badass is a funny, subversive, irreverent comedy that has a surprisingly good cast including

  • Barry Bostwick (Rocky Horror Picture Show, Spin City)
  • Bruce McGill (Animal House, My Cousin Vinny)
  • Ray Wise (Twin Peaks, Robocop)

Cameos also include a post Jar Jar Binks Ahmed Best who turns in a small, but hilarious performance and Kevin Sorbo as Abraham Lincoln.

The movie is available on Tubi for streaming.

What do you think, GNN Fans? Sound off in the comments below and let your voices be heard!

Thank You for reading! When I am not writing I enjoy spending time with my wife Barbara, my four year old daughter Frances, and my loyal hound Marbles.  For more hot takes, follow me here and on our brand new YouTube channel.  You can also check out more of my content on my author’s page.

Stay Geeky Everybody

 

 

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