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The Most Unique Awards For 2023

Everyone loves awards, right? I mean, that’s why 41.6 billion people watch the Oscars each and every year!

I’m not Billy Crystal, but I’d love to pass out a few awards of my very own in honor of 2023 winding to a close. Sadly, none of the nominees accepted my invitation to fly down and sit in my living room when the winners were announced, but I did get two restraining orders. A personal best!

Texas is Back (Again) Award: The winner is…The 2023 Box Office. How many times have you heard that the box office was dead and buried? Disney lost nearly $1 billion this year, “The Sound of Freedom” brought in more domestic dollars than “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny”, and superhero movies flopped harder than LeBron James. Yet after all the dust has settled, it turns out that the 2023 box office is UP nearly 12% over the previous year (with Godzilla still roaring). True, it should have been higher, but progress is progress.

Gaming GOAT Award: The winner is…Faker. For the 500 million people that follow eSports, this should not come as a shock. Faker doesn’t just win, he dominates in a way that the professional level of “League of Legends” has never seen before, and may never see again. Since his debut in 2013, Faker has done the following:

  • Out of 23 domestic splits, he was a winner ten times, a runner-up another five times.
  • Out of eight International tournaments, he won two MSI titles, was a runner-up in two more, and was a semi-finalist in two more.
  • For every World tournament he participated in, he has reached the semi-finals or better. He’s won it four times, was a runner-up in two, and made the semi-finals in three more.
  • Has a net worth estimated at $25 million USD and has endorsement deals with BMW, Nike, Red Bull, and Samsung.

When Faker steps on the field, running might be the best option.

Standing the Test of Time Award: The winner is…Final Fantasy XVI. The latest installment sold three million units in the first week, pushing total sales for the franchise beyond the “Zelda” franchise, as well as “Sonic the Hedgehog”, and “Resident Evil”. Plenty of detractors point out that sales for this particular game lag behind some of its predecessors, but the fans are still reveling in the story and characters that refuses to grow stale. Cam Fischer says: “Final Fantasy XVI was a huge standout for me. Lacking in some gameplay areas but man what an investing story. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since I finished it.”

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now Award: And the winner is…Jonathan Majors! The actor had quite the rollercoaster year, appearing in three films. He earned praise for his performance in “Creed III” and was set up to be the next major villain in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Then came assault allegations in March, followed by hearing after hearing, comment after comment, and yesterday’s opening statements revealing even more drama for the actor. This also puts Marvel Studios in a precarious position. They face the pressure of recasting the character “Kang the Conqueror”, because of the allegations, but if he’s proven innocent, then egg is certainly on their face (not to mention possible legal action from Majors in retaliation). Marvel could also move away from Kang entirely, building their future movies around a new villain like Dr. Doom.

Jonathan Majors appeared in the Loki series as “Kang”. Image from Marvel Studios.

At Least You Tried Award: The winner is…Director X. Julien Lutz wanted to make a Robin Hood series for “Modern Audiences” and instead made one that was ridiculed online, laughed at by YouTube critics, and given one of the worst IMDB scores ever. His series, called “Robyn Hood” got off to a poor start almost immediately, with Robyn’s mother informing her that she restocked a cookie jar with condoms in case she needs more. A cookie jar…filled with condoms…from her mother. The opening credits had just finished rolling and things started to go downhill just that fast.

Queen of the World Award: The winner is…Taylor Swift. Margot Robbie! In 2021, she was the 4th highest grossing actress (domestically), then 2nd highest in 2022, and now reigns supreme with the “Barbie” movie in 2023. Whether she is a voice actress (“Peter Rabbit” made seven times its production budget) or a leading lady, we are living in her world since she burst onto the scene with “The Wolf of Wall Street”. The 33 year old actress has been nominated for two Oscars and it is only a matter of time before she brings one home to stick on the mantle right next to the doll version of herself.


Margot Robbie in a Glamour photoshoot in 2013.


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