Imagine the chaos of a Monday morning commute on Naboo, Utapau, or Tatooine. Now, elevate that mental image, quite literally, to the Nth dimension and multiply it by a factor of infinity. Welcome to the universe of Star Wars and the world of Coruscant – a cosmic metropolis on steroids where ‘rush hour’ morphs from a timeframe into a never-ending, third-dimensional dance. It would take a hero to orchestrate everyone’s survival.
This isn’t your typical traffic jam; it’s a 24/7 cosmic ballet, where starships, freighters, cruisers, and podracers twirl and pirouette amidst skyscrapers and starlight, introducing a traffic management concept as multi-layered as the cityscape itself. Conducting this orbital opera, we find the unsung heroes, the real traffic maestros of the Galactic Republic – the brave men, women, and droids of Space Traffic Control.
Coruscant Spaceport Control Tower from “Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones”
Our Hero: KyL-3
We sat down with KYL-3, Kyle to his coworkers, to observe, learn, and maybe even get something for the boys on the HoloNet! The Besalisk wrings his four hands as the day lazily breaks over Coruscant. Kyle savors a swig from his cup of Endorian coffee, the galaxy’s version of high-octane morning jet fuel, “that costs an arm and an arm!”
I see Kyle has a sense of humor.
With the manic energy of a Millennial on a stim binge, our hero wrestles with an onslaught of data that makes a swoop race odds board on Nar Shaddaa look like a neighborhood bingo game. His eyes sparkle at this cosmic ballet, leaping from radar blips to status screens. And his fingers? All 16 of them? They’re playing a symphony on the control deck that Figrin D’an would’ve envied. His mission: to bring order to the star-studded chaos. Today, we are in for a ride we’ve never experienced.
The Morning Chaos: Heroism at its Finest
Enter a rogue starship pilot in a cue that the day’s performance is about to start. Embodying the audacity of an unruly yellow cab driver, he decides to make a waltz through the restricted airspace. This spontaneous “dance move” propels Kyle’s workday from routine to “interesting.” Our hero remains calm. With the patience of a kindergarten teacher on a sugar-high Friday, he addresses the dreg: “Starfreighter XB-31, this is Coruscant control. Return to the approved flight path. Remember, we’re all in the same space-traffic jam here.”
Docking from “Star Wars: Episode II Attack of the Clones”
Kyle noticed I was holding my breath. He starts in on a story straight away, “This is nothing. There was a time this hot-shot Jedi brought in half a dreadnought. We lost a tower, two F-143’s from flying debris, and 184 citizens and workers. It could have been much worse. What annoyed me the most was how nonchalant the Jedi pilot was about killing so many people. He blathered on about a happy landing!”
As he finished his story, his head had a bit of a twitch at the neck and below his right eye. I am concerned Kyle, as heroic as he is, may have some trauma from his experiences.
Heroic Acts and Epic Stories
When Coruscant can’t seem any more ‘Star Wars-y,’ an illegal podrace occurs. Guess who’s leading? Jar Jar Binks. “Jar Jar,” Kyle sighs into his communicator. His tone is like a tired parent reprimanding a child. Instead of an apology, Kyle hears a bizarre sound. It’s part laughter and part broken machine. The situation could be funny. However, Kyle dreads explaining another Gungan mishap to his bosses.
Podracer Jar Jar from https://www.cinemablend.com/
All at once all sorts of brilliant red lights and buzzers began blinking and singing. Jar Jar breaks over the comm, “Meesa think yousa in big poodoo!” Kyle responds, “Shut your trap and check your six!” A Corvette cruiser was in a barrel roll heading straight into the space lane from the atmosphere.
Jar Jar flung his racer left and just skirted his demise. “Cruiser I-D-10-T, correct flight path immediately,” Kyle calmly commanded. The cruiser was already leveling out before Kyle could finish his sentence. “Sorry about that. We had a bit of a.. an… uh… we’re good now, thanks!”
Kyle: Humble Hero
Life as a space traffic controller in Coruscant is far from tranquil. Every day is filled with the symphony of rogue pilots, pesky Gungan racers, and out-of-control cruisers. It’s the job that occasionally inspires existential crises as you sip your lukewarm coffee. Despite this, Kyle’s story provides a fascinating glimpse into the organized chaos reigning high above the city’s skyline—the real hero of the Star Wars universe. Through high-speed chases and daily traffic jams of starships, Kyle maintains an unlikely affection for his job. Sure, it’s more of a tightrope walk than a job, but he wouldn’t trade it for all the credits in the galaxy. After all, who else will keep those rogue pilots and pod-racing Gungans in check?
