He-Man? Prince Adam? The SAME!? I know what you’re thinking: “Who saw THAT coming!?” I admit, it was completely out of left field for me and doubtless many others as well. But the truth is out now after He-Man’s wizard companion Orko the Great told this Geek News Now writer the whole story!
1. Orko’s “Master of the Universe” Revelation
Please note that at the time of the interview, Orko had taken a few drinks of his own accord out of a flask and spoke in slurring words and constant hiccups the entire time.
John Lynch (Staff Writer; “Geek News Now”): “Orko, you said just a moment ago that Prince Adam was keeping a huge secret.”
Orko: “That guy-… You think he’s grateful?” [pauses to take a drink out of a flask] “He-” [hiccups] “He, man, he doesn’t know how much magic I got up in my brain!” [pauses and takes another drink] “I’m smart! I kept his secret all these years, and all I get is-… Is He-Man here, man?”
John Lynch: “What does He-Man have to do with Adam’s secret?”
Orko: [long pause] “Don’t you get it, man? He-Man? Prince Adam? They’re totally the same guy!”
Like anyone, I didn’t buy it. But Orko insisted we simply wait just outside of Prince Adam’s castle home where I got the proof of a lifetime!
2. Getting A Reaction
Once I knew the truth, I had to not only bring it to light but also get the opinions of a long-time friend and colleague in the news game: Lois Lane — Staff Writer with “The Daily Planet”!
LOIS LANE: “How could so many people not see they’re the same man? They have the same build, the same hairstyle; it was either this or they’re twins! The only difference between them is Adam’s wavering voice. I mean, where’s the disguise!? No mask or something to obscure his hero persona.”
JOHN LYNCH: “What? Like glasses, perhaps?”
LOIS LANE: “Glasses?” [laughs] “No, no that’d never work. What’d be next? Baggy clothes? A slight hunch, and a mild-mannered demeanor-… Sorry, I have to go! I think I have a story to break! CLARK, WHERE ARE YOU??”
3. The “Bare Bones” of It All
But there was one voice I couldn’t leave unheard in this matter of fact. One being who deserved to hear the truth and have his say: Skeletor of Snake Mountain; He-Man’s mortal enemy! With a little doing, plus the promise of an exclusive on Skeletor’s new autobiography “Who’s Your Bone Daddy?”, I was granted an audience with this would-be master of the universe.
JOHN LYNCH: “Thank you for granting this interview, Skeletor.”
SKELETOR: “Myeh! Think nothing of it; I don’t! Now get on with it!”
JOHN LYNCH: “So according to my source, they say your longtime foe He-Man-…”
SKELETOR: “CURSE THAT MUSCLE-BOUND OAF!”
JOHN LYNCH: “Indeed. Anyway, it turns out that he and Prince Adam are the same person. Any thoughts on this?”
SKELETOR: “Hogwash! Everyone knows that Adam is weak and frail; He-Man puts the ‘buff’ in ‘buffoon’! I kidnapped Adam once and He-Man came to his rescue; explain THAT, you interrogative insect!”
JOHN LYNCH: “Well, was there ever a time where you lost sight of Adam only to find He-Man chasing after you in the prince’s absence?”
SKELETOR: “Myeh! Probably transported back to his castle thanks to that twerp Orko.”
JOHN LYNCH: “Right, but when have you ever known Orko to cast a successful spell before?”
SKELETOR: “But-… But I-…! He-Man is NOT-… Excuse me!” [grabs communicator device] “Evil-Lyn? This is your master, Skeletor. This may sound stupid, but have you ever seen He-Man and Prince Adam in the same room? What I mean is, well, could they be the same person?” [a pause] “WHAT!? What do you mean by keeping this information from me!? ‘Funnier this way’!? What the-…? I hear laughter; who is with you? Why are YOU laughing? Who else knew this??”
I silently excused myself while Skeletor raged throughout his chambers.
4. Final Thought
So, Prince Adam is He-Man; it baffles the mind! But I guess the signs were always there. Adam’s constant disappearances, for instance, which many presumed was the Eternia royal getting bored or afraid and running off to his bedroom. Or as Skeletor observed, the fact that we never saw He-Man or Adam in the same location together. Then there’s the simple fact that they look absolutely the same, give or take a few layers of clothing.
But the secret is out now and Eternia (plus the rest of the universe) will never be the same again! Tune in next time to Geek News Now as I interview billionaire philanthropist Bruce Wayne on the subject of vigilante heroes; word from an anonymous source says he may know the true identity of Batman! Personally, I think he’s the least likely to know.
Please note that while He-Man really is Prince Adam, and vice-versa, this entire spin on the news is entirely satirical. Enjoy the laugh? Comment below! Want more satire? Check out this Geek News Now article about Dave Filoni putting Ahsoka Tano at the Star Wars forefront! Also, subscribe to Geek News Now and give its Facebook page a like!