Satire

George Lucas To Direct New Star Wars Film

In a move that has shocked and confused Star Wars fans around the world, Kathleen Kennedy, President of Lucasfilm, has announced that George Lucas will be returning to the franchise to direct a new movie. While some fans are excited to see the creator of Star Wars back at the helm, others are skeptical and wondering if Kennedy is simply trying to shift the blame for the recent negative attention back to “The Maker”.

When asked about the decision, Kennedy had this to say: “Look, I get it. Fans have been unhappy with the recent movies and they’re looking for someone to blame. But let’s be real, who better to blame, I mean lead, the new era of Star Wars than George Lucas? He’s the one who started this whole thing, right? After letting go of so many directors that we originally attached to potential Star Wars films, we realized only one man could shift the blame away from me, I mean, correct the ship’s course. You aren’t writing this down, are you?”

You can see Kennedy’s reluctance in her strained facial expression.

Fan Reactions

One fan, known only as “NotPlinkett” on Twitter, had this to say: “Oh great, so now we’re going back to the guy who gave the Star Wars fans Jar-Jar Binks and Midichlorians? Well if this means we can retcon Admiral Holdo and Rose out it might be worth it.” “EwokEater22″ tweeted, “Finally, we can get back to some good old-fashioned Star Wars without all the politics! Just a good story about how the inadequacies of the New Republic pave the way for the fascist First Order!” C3P-NO! replied to the previous tweet with “Does this mean we’re not getting a Howard The Duck 2?”

Even Mark Hamill, who played Luke Skywalker in the original trilogy, weighed in on the decision. “I don’t know what Kathleen is thinking. George is a great guy and all, but let’s face it, he hasn’t made a good movie since 1983, and yes, I saw Red Tails. I just hope they don’t let him near the script.”

Despite the criticism, Kennedy is determined to make the new movie a success. Kennedy tweeted “Look, I know the fans are upset, but we’re doing everything we can to make this new movie great. We’ve got George back, we’re bringing back the original cast, and we’re even getting rid of those pesky female characters that everyone hated. What more could they want?”

Rose Tico and Admiral Holdo are not exactly “fan favorites”.

Kennedy’s comment about getting rid of female characters has also caused a stir among fans. When asked about the criticism, Kennedy brushed it off. “Oh come on, it’s not like we’re getting rid of all the women, just the ones who have intelligence, do anything meaningful, and speak their minds. We’re toning it down a bit. I mean, have you seen the internet lately? It’s a bunch of angry dudes complaining about how they’re not represented in movies. As the sole demographic that gives us their money we must cater to them.” 

Lucas’s Thoughts About Returning

Lucas, for his part, is excited to be back in the Star Wars universe. “It only took about 20 years but people are finally realizing that the prequel films that I directed weren’t so bad, especially in light of the newer films. Say what you will about my use of stilted dialogue, wooden delivery, and inconsistent pacing, but I always made a profit on the films.

How do you fumble the ball and lose money on a Han Solo film?! That’s embarrassing as screwing up an Indiana Jones movie, which I certainly NEVER did. Much like Bob Iger I’m ready to take the reins once again. I have so many great ideas for new movies, starting with two new films to replace Episodes VIII and IX.”

Only time will tell if Kennedy’s hail-mary to bring Lucas back into the fold will work. One thing is for sure, though: the Star Wars fandom is as passionate and divided as ever. With today being the first day of April look forward to next weekend for more news about this during Star Wars Celebration. Follow GeekNewsNow for more updates on this story. As always stay geeky out there!

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